April 1, 2016
At TheBestSchools.org, we’re constantly focused on great schools, reputable schools, enriching, unique, and outstanding schools, the kind of schools that can help you forge a better future for yourself and your family.
This leaves precious little time for us to focus on fly-by night, for-profit degree mills like Corinthian College and Trump University, or schools that deliver instant PhDs for a pittance of time, energy, or credibility. We admit, this is a disservice to the countless graduates out there who can boast the overnight acquisition of a doctorate and all the social perks that come with it.
Out of respect to this underrepresented demographic, and in the spirit of the fast-approaching commencement season, we want to give a voice to those whose PhDs are worth roughly the same as the paper on which they are printed. To you proud and privileged overnight PhDs, you who earned the title by having the perspicacity to correctly enter your credit card number into an online form, this one’s for you.
Each of these is a testimonial from a person whose life was changed forever by a post-graduate education (that they probably found in a sidebar advertisement while watching YouTube montages of Russians getting into traffic accidents and attacking each other with crowbars):
“I’m the pastor of a fairly large church with many highly educated congregants. I used to occasionally receive emails after sermons questioning what I had said in the previous sermon. I’ve had my overnight PhD for over a year now, but since I got it, I have not met one single doubter about my sermon material.”
—Pastor Ian Fallible, PhD
“At the coffee emporium, I used to be the only all-day regular who lacked a PhD. Today, when I spend my entire day there reading Gawker, HuffPo, and The Daily Kos, I have the confidence to know I’m not a lesser among our community. Even better, the flame wars I start online carry that much more authority. That cute barista will even talk with me now!”
—Joe Kuppa, PhD
“I was surprised by the amount of attention and privilege I get now that I have an instant PhD. Just the other day at the airport, the plane concierge allowed me to skip the boarding line. And once on the plane, a first-class seat was vacant, and the stewardess invited me to take the empty seat. I’m amazed how life has changed now that I’m a PhD.”
—Al Aboard, PhD
“My appliance repair company was struggling. I didn’t know what else I could do to improve my company’s image. I lost weight. I got my misdemeanors expunged. I even printed a picture of a kitten on my business cards. Nothing helped. But since the week after I got my overnight PhD and added it to my new business cards and to the decals on my van, I have been booked!”
—Charlie Nance, PhD, owner of Appliance Doctor
“Mucking stalls at the horse farm used to take me all day. Now, thanks to my instant PhD, I can pile it high and deep with lightning speed. Just last week, I got a $2 an hour raise!”
—Manny Ure, PhD
“I always thought earning a PhD would take years, but I was able to earn mine quickly and easily because I’ve gained experience in the real world, not some classroom. Now that I’m a doctor, people respect me and value my thoughts and opinions.”
— Dr. Sasha Abraham
“My boss and other board members used to blow off any ideas I presented at business meetings. I had 15 years experience, but no formal education in the field. But now that I have an overnight PhD in Marketing, my ideas are being heard, and business is BOOMING!”
— Dr. Herma Nou
“I’ve always enjoyed talking to people and helping them with their problems. My experiences helped me earn my instant PhD in Psychology, and now I’m going to be able to start my own practice. Now I can help people work through their toughest problems and find a better life.”
— Dr. Theodore Pennyworth
“I used to have a hard time landing dates, but now that my business cards have ‘PhD’ after my name, I have women calling me all the time.”
All jokes aside, we would love nothing more than to help you find the best school and course of study to help you reach your goals.